I’m still here

I was inspired today to write a post after months of absence. I still read all the pregnancy blogs I subscribe to daily, but writing has been elusive and to be honest I’m not sure why. Perhaps, it was about the fear of sharing too much or not enough or the wrong things at the wrong time but I’m still here. I’m still here at almost 35 weeks and this is blissful. 

Reaching 35 weeks and knowing that my baby will be here by Labor Day amazes me. Not that reaching this point has not had its high and low points. First, I had two cases of initial unexplained bleeding.  Both later diagnosed as benign cervical polyps. Then during my 19 week ultrasound the doctor discovered what he viewed as a velamentous cord insertion. This bumped me from my planned natural birth to a high-risk hospital pregnancy. I then had to find a doctor as quickly as possible and committ to regular ultrasounds to monitor growth. But at my 30 week ultrasound I was downgraded or upgraded (depending on how you looked at it) from a velamentous cord insertion to a marginal insertion with no indications of placenta previa or abruptia. Little ELi was growing fine and even measuring ahead at times. The relief was palatable. 

I will have to go in twice a week for antenatal stress tests and ultrasounds starting in my 36th week to monitor the heartbeat, growth, and anmiotic fluid. I’m worried that something will go wrong but the worry is always there, regardless of what is on the horizon. I’ve yet to meet a mother-to-be that doesn’t. 

As far as pregnancy symptons go, I’ve had it pretty good based on what I’ve read on other blogs. My feet and ankles did swell up to resemble Italy, and I do have occassional heartburn  but really carrying a bowling ball around hasn’t been that bad. Sure, I can’t see my feet and picking up a dropped fork is difficult, but I think this is something all pregnant women have problems with. And if they don’t, well, they probably have realized that it’s best to keep quiet about it. 

The highlight of the week was first installing our new red car seat and next washing and prepping diapers. I’m sure I will look fondly back at my excitement over diapers and roll my little eyes at my old self, but as I folded and stacked I marveled at how I never imagined that I’d being doing this after so many years of trying to just get pregnant. That was the goal and everything else was an unpainted landscape. When my good friends were planning my baby shower they get asking me what colors I wanted, games, and other stuff and each time I kept saying, I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it. One responded with, but you’ve wanted a baby for so long you must have some idea. You see that’s the thing, the center of the watermelon, I never was able to see past the goal of becoming and staying pregnant, so now that I’m here, all of it is a surprise.